Broken

I’m not angry any more. I am very sad.

This is a song I wrote today called Broken. There are two things I do when everything is very overwhelming and I have lots of thoughts and words and emotions swirling around in my body. One thing I do sometimes is to write a short song/poem. The other mechanism I use is writing. I have a document on my computer called “Lord I give it all to you.” This document has paragraphs and hours spent on it just me physically giving all my anxiety, pain and thoughts, and excitement to God. It is where I feel most able to talk to him and just feel like I am really giving it all to Him.

Lately, there has been a lot and so much bringing such sadness to my heart and the weight has been so great. I decided I needed to give it to God. This song started out differently than it ended. I really didn’t edit much so it is very rough but I want to be real with all of you.

God’s blessings to you all.

your smile is hidden
your fears are great
the life you once lived
is taken away
I’ve tried everything
to feel ok with it all

but darling all I see
but darling all I feel
is a sad heart

we’ve been kept away
we’ve been told to stay
when was the last
hug or handshake
when was your last
before it all stopped

I’m broken
I’m saddened
my heart’s broke in two

I want to give you
the chance to wake up
the chance to move on
the chance to live again
something’s broken
something’s wrong

I tried to reach out
I tried to cry out
I tried to feel
but now it’s gone

give me something
something to hold
something to trust
you’ve lost my faith
you’ve lost my trust
my heart’s broken
for you, all of you

given the chance to walk away
given the chance to stay silent
I’ve been quiet for too long
I’m ready to scream
I’m ready to fight
I’m ready to quit

I’m broken
I’m saddened
my hearts broke in two

how do I stand by them
how do I reach them
how to say what I need to say
when they just turn away
when they don’t listen
when they don’t give the time

I’m tired
I’m broken inside
I’m done with it all

I want to run, where do I run
how do I scream, can I scream
I’m tired of watching
I’m tired of feeling like I failed
where do I go from here

God I’m crying out
God I’m reaching for you
do you hear me
are you there
I feel so alone
like I’m the only one

I pray to you
with all of my heart
I pray to you
hoping for your hand
I pray to you
reaching out with all
I pray to you
asking for help
I pray to you

I’m broken
I’m saddened
my hearts broke in two