Tag: fear

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Where have I been?

Breakfast time

Oh boy has a lot happened. I last update January 24 it is April in four days. So, What has happened?

I traveled to Lake City a few times to finish transporting and packing things. Most of that was done by February. There were a few times at the end of February and beginning of March that I had to go back to shovel. March 9 was kind of a hard day. I went to town to sign papers for the closing which would be happening the next week. First of all, I was an hour early because I had the time wrong. It worked out fine but still, that’s a bit early.

Then I went back to the house where I had previously dropped my mom at. We packed up the few pieces that were remaining and finished the final cleaning. Walking out of the empty house was hard. That was the last time I was at the house. I still get emotional thinking and talking about it.

It was a fun dream to chase. I made friends, I learned an incredible amount and I got to have this giant adventure. Now what? Now, what do I do? I have to figure out what I am doing now.

My Parent’s Project House

I told you guys last time my folks bought a house last August. It needed a lot of work but we have always wanted to try fixing up an old house so we went for it. Since January maybe December, I have been helping with the house consistently. It has been a full-time job. I love the work so much. It is so cool to see what you can build and design and make out of a pile of supplies. When I can figure out the problem here, I will share the pictures I have taken. At least some of them 🙂

We have learned a lot from this project. You need to have a lot of patience to get things to look right. You can be rushed on a timeline but you need to watch your measurements, sizes, and whatnot very carefully. Houses are wonky and not perfect (which drives me nuts) so you need to fudge things at times (again, drives me nuts).

You need to take days off from the site. Whether it is a day or two a week you need to take time off. Know your body when it is telling you you are exhausted, don’t push through. Sit down and take a break. Whether that is a day of shopping or staying home in a chair or spending time with friends/family. You need to take a break from the site or you will make a lot of mistakes get frustrated real easy and not be able to think through the problems that come up.

We have also learned that supplies right now are hard to come by and really expensive.

Have a budget with wiggle room. Don’t budget so tight that you can’t purchase more ______ because you didn’t plan for mistakes. Try to budget by room, not just the overall project. Know where your budget will be spent and where you can be a little cheaper. This will take trial and error to come up with a formula and answers.

Make a plan. This is huge. Yes, the plan is going to change but you need to have a written plan for yourself, your trades, and your help. Best to have this plan written out, shown in mockups and diagrams. Don’t forget the measurements 🙂

We did not have a written plan so there were times when we were standing around asking what needs to be done, what order will it be done, and so on.

We have learned so much more than just this but we can come back to that.

Moving a Young Sprout

My grandma is moving! We are so excited for her. She has lived alone in a two-story house for so long. There haven’t been any major falls’ that she has told us about but it makes us nervous.

She has been doing such a good job going through her memories, keepsakes, and special objects. It is really hard for her to part with things which I kind of understand but many times have a hard time following her deep connection. She is very sentimental, I am not so much. I try to understand but I think much of the time it is fake understanding because I truly don’t understand.

This week is the big week. Wednesday my folks, aunt, and I are going to grandma’s to finish packing. Friday is the day she moves to her new apartment. I am excited to see it and help her settle in. I am sure she is sad to leave this house, she has been there so long but this new adventure excites her too. She has already made some new friends at her apartment and she will be closer to family.

Bonus, none of us will have to go to the twin cities to see her anymore 🙂

Searching for a New Church Home

This is something I have kept on the down-low. I never really knew how to tell people without being super blunt. I guess I still don’t…

In the last few years especially I have had so many problems and questions and concerns with my denomination. I know they are sinners and they are not perfect. I use to be proud to say what synod I belonged to, now a days, I am not so sure.

For a few months, my best friend and I have been going to different churches, different denominations. Researching the churches and trying to find a new church home. It is so stressful, exhausting, and disheartening at times.

We made a list of what we are looking for in a church and the importance of each item. We have I think, 5 items that are non-negotiable but they seem to be different at churches across the valley.

I will keep this search updated as I learn more and whatnot.

My question to you all is, will you please pray for us? We are enjoying this time together having great conversations but we do want to find our new church home. We know it will take time, and we need to leave it in God’s hands. That it’s His will be done, not ours. Please pray for patience and for strength.

What’s next?

I have started to cringe at this question. It has been asked so many times and I never have an answer. I don’t know what is next. Part of my stress right now is knowing the house is almost done which means I need to start looking for a job soon. I don’t know what to do. There have been tears over this. I don’t want to work because I have to. I don’t need to so I would love to do something I want to learn about, or that I love.
It will come to fruition. All will be ok. God’s hand is at work. There is a reason I am still here. There is a reason for all of this. He is really good at teaching me and letting me know when I should follow a path and when I probably should not…

More updates soon.

May God bless you!

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Where were you?

Where were you on Christmas Eve? Were you with your family celebrating the holiday? Were you out on the town partying? Were you alone in your house sad and depressed? Were you celebrating the holiday alone? Were you finishing your decorating? 

Where were you on Christmas Eve night? Did anything change from your day? Did you travel to a different location? Did you huddle down for a movie? Did you get all dressed up for a fancy party? Did you go to church? 

Where were you on Christmas morning? Did you run downstairs to see what Santa brought? Did you huddle in your Christmas pajamas for a family photo? Did you pack the car to go to grandma or grandpas? Did you wake up sad because you were all alone? Did you get dressed up for church? 

Where were you when you celebrated the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ? 

I missed so many of you at church. Christmas morning and Easter morning always seemed to be filled with big wonderful music! This year was so sad for both. There were no trumpets no horns of any kind, there were no big voices singing joy and praise for either happening! Christmas morning was so quiet and calm. There were 60 people in a room meant to fill over a hundred. I was not able to feel the Christian love, every was so far apart you couldn’t hear the others singing. Where was the jubilee? Where was the loud praise? The True Hope was born! Where were you? 

I had a great Christmas eve and Christmas day. I spent it with my family. We spent time at church. That’s where I was. I am sad I didn’t see you there. I am sad I couldn’t hear your voice singing praise to our God. I am sad so many people were not there, in church. 

Where were you? That is the question that came into my head when Church started Christmas Day morning. Where were you? As I looked around the sanctuary I became so sad and confused. Where were you? The choir was so small and far apart from each other. There were no brass instruments or any horns. Where were you? The pews were so empty. The few who did attend were so far away from each other. Where were you? 

I am done saying “the day when we all come together again will be a glorious day.” That day needs to be now. The fear the devil has put in our heads NEEDS to leave. The fear the devil has placed in our communities, families, countries, all NEEDS to be extinguished. The devil is showing his hand, do you see it? Are your eyes open to seeing the devil working so hard? Let me give you an example; where were you on Christmas? Did you ever go into Church? If you say no and your reason was the virus, there is your example. Since when does a virus keep the world from gathering on Christmas day? Since when does an illness keep families away for months on end? 

Are you ready?

God could take you home in 5 minutes, he could take you home in 2 hours he could take you home tomorrow. How have you stayed away from your family, your friends, YOUR GOD for so long? Worshiping at home is not the same as worshiping in the sanctuary with your brothers and sisters in Christ. The fear needs to go before we all regret not seeing our grandmother on Christmas. Before we regret not inviting a friend to church because you aren’t wanting to go to church. The fear is driving families apart, it is driving friends to fight, it is driving people away from God. Don’t put your trust in a piece of cloth. It will do nothing for you. Putting your trust in an almighty God? Now that will do a lot for you. 

Take the fear the devil has placed in your brain and push it aside by waking up and seeing that God has your life in His hands. He is in control of everything. The devil’s power is strong, BUT God’s is so much stronger. God can bring you home to eternal life, He can also send you into eternal fire, pain, agony. 

Where were you on Christmas? Did you worship, praise, or thank the LORD for all He has done for you? Did you thank God for sending His son from a virgin to die FOR YOU? Did you welcome the Holy Spirit into your heart? Where were you? 

Where were you? Where do you want to be? Whose side do you want to stand by? I want God to be standing by me keeping the devil away. I want to stand by God. 

I want to go to Church

A few weeks ago I had a really bad weekend. I was debating if I should go to church Sunday morning or watch a service online. I prayed about it before going to bed and I kept thinking about it overnight. I had so many dreams saying to go to church so I did. I was so disappointed. I was ready and needing a full law and gospel sermon, I got a history lesson. I was in desperate need of calling out to God and hearing Him. I felt like no matter how loud I was or how intently I listened we couldn’t hear each other. I felt like there was a screen between us, where we could get bits and pieces but couldn’t really hear each other. I was in church and I started to cry because I couldn’t feel God in His house, surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ. I wasn’t comfortable with a mask on my face hiding from God, I wasn’t comfortable with the fear that was clouding the building. 

I started to cry because I couldn’t reach my God. Because the devil had taken his stand and was winning the battle. I went home very upset and disappointed. I turned on a church that I have found over the fall and watched their live service. It was better, it wasn’t perfect but I could hear God and I felt He could hear me. This happened weeks ago and it still has me shaking. I don’t feel like I can talk to the pastor about what happened, I don’t feel like I can talk to other churchgoers of that church. 

I don’t feel comfortable at church. You don’t either? Where are you? Do you not feel comfortable because you are scared of getting sick or because everyone is hiding their face or because you can’t hear God? For me, it is the last two.