Friendships

Over the years I have had a number of friends. Over the years I have lost friends, I have gained friends and I have learned the type of people who you call your friends and the types of people you do not.

The type of people you call your friends are the people who are there for you as much as you are there for them. They are the type of people who are not afraid to tell you that you messed up. They are not the type of people to walk away when things get hard.

Over the years I have learned these traits and many more. I have learned that to be a true friend you must always be honest, loving, loyal and truthful. You must also be good guidance as well as be surrounded by those you trust to guide you correctly.

In middle school, there were four of us girls in the class together. We were absolutely silly (in nice terms). Two of us were “Switzerland” and then there were the other two. So, us “Swiss” would basically trade friends every once in a while and spend time with the other girl. The two girls we will call them cold war “Russia” and “US”, did not get along. No idea why they just did not get along. A few times things would be said that would get me worked up and I remember email was the biggest and coolest thing back then. If you had an email you were a really cool person. 🙂 Anyways, I remember misusing my email and calling out a friend via email instead of in-person about something that happened. I will admit at the time I was really mad at that “Russia” for showing her parents the email I sent. Of course, her parents went to my parents and my email privilege was taken away. Yes, I was very mad at “Russia” for quite some time. Looking back, however, I thank her that she went to her parents who went to my parents who took my email away. Let me clarify, I did not hold a grudge for this long…I came to this thankfulness about a week or two after the incident :). From this experience, I learned to confront my conflicts in person rather than over email, text or written letter. I also realized I had a bit of a temper and that was just not ok. It has taken me years to downgrade the temper but it is much better and from this, I have learned great patience. 🙂
I am getting off topic…
In the same year, “U.S.” and I wrote a song. Don’t ask why a song I still don’t know, maybe we just liked to sing…Anywho we wrote a song about stuff that was going on with Russia and her “friend group”. I will not be attaching it because it is rather embarrassing. I look back now and realize how horrible of a friend I was. I encouraged and joined in on the mean talk and actions against “Russia” and “U.S.” I have apologized to both of them (if I remember correctly or I thought about doing it a lot and it is just in my mind as a permanent memory making myself think I did it when in reality I did not…) If this is the case let this be an informal apology to you both. Hopefully, one day when we are together I will apologize to you in person.

Yes, I know this is all from middles school and yes I do know that it is silly to remember such things. Yet, it is not. These happenings were critical moments of me learning to be a better friend and to know the type of influence I let into my life.

You are probably noticing that there are no examples from high school. Yes, I did go to high school, however, I did not have the best of friends. I had acquaintances and classmates. I did not really have “friends” until Sophmore year when I made my best friend. We met in study hall. “Dr. Horse” was a freshman and I was a sophomore she asked if she could sit by me, I invited her to and we have been best friends ever since. With her, I learned honesty. “Dr. Horse” dated a guy in high school and I was not honest about my thoughts about him. I thought at the time I was doing her a favor letting her figure out her path. By doing so I was not being a good friend and keeping “Dr. Horse” from awkward situations and getting hurt. I learned with that experience to always be truthful to your friend. If they do not want to listen to your thoughts fine, but you should tell them your thoughts and give them guidance to the best of your ability with their happiness and good health in mind.

College…well, in my first year of college I “dated” a guy I was told I should date for years…I wouldn’t say it was a mistake but I will say I will never make that decision again. I learned that some advice and guidance your friends give you are not always good. We will not go further into that.

A friend we will call “Venezuela” (long story not going to get into that name) is troubled. “Venezuela” has gotten into some bad crowds and can’t seem to get away from them. Well “Venezuela” and I had lost contact for a few years then for lack of better words, found each other again. Actually, through “Venezuela’s” mom I was given the phone number and we started to talk again. We have had fairly constant contact for about 4 years now and our relationship has become stronger. He does not trust many people but he has expressed many times that he is thankful he can trust me.
No, I am not intending to brag here I am clearly stating that I have grown to the point where people trust me. So can you.
“Venezuela” and I have grown to trust each other and to count on one another to be there. Whether it is to give support, listen or just be there.

This situation started a few months ago. “U.S.” sent me a note talking about an old classmate of ours. The information (after talking to the classmate) turned out to be a lie. The mistake I made right then listened to the classmate and let the lie live on and grow rather than telling my friend our classmate was lying. I recently (as in this past weekend) fessed up to the lie and apologized to “U.S.” about the deception. I apologized to the friend about turning my back on them. That is what I learned about this happening. A true friend does not turn their back on another for anything. A true friend stands tall in front of (or behind if you are covering their back) them to protect them. A true friend does not waver.

Over the past few years I and the other half of “Switzerland” grew apart. We grew apart to the point where our mothers knew more about the other one than we knew about each other. I have noticed this for some time but have not addressed it. That changed this past weekend as well (my this past month has been friendship fixer for me…). I was talking to my mom about other things and “Switzerland” came up and my mom knew more than I did. I was embarrassed to tell her we haven’t talked and I didn’t know how to answer “why”. We just haven’t talked. I sent a message to “Switzerland” apologizing for not being a good friend and being so distant. I apologized for not telling her that I was always there that I am still here and still want to be her friend.

Friendship is one of those things where you live and you learn. Not everything comes instantly. Many things like friendship, you need to learn as you live. You can not grow in being a greater friend if you do not make mistakes with your friends and learn from them.

As you may have read in my last blog post my new year’s resolution is to be a better friend. I have not been the best of friends to the friends I consider to be great on their feet and having a wonderfully full life. I have put most if not all of my energy into those friends who need to be reminded that there is someone here for them when they are ready to talk or need to lean on someone. My resolution is to be a better friend to all of my friends.

Ok, you probably noticed this is very one-sided. Yes, I have come to realize I forget friendship is a two-sided street. “Switzerland”, “U.S.” and “Venezuela” have all pointed this out to me. They have all said that when in a relationship both parties need to work equally to make the relationship work. A one-sided relationship is a pain in the but and very draining.
I know as a fact that I seem to be very good at one-sided relationships. What I mean is that I am ok and sometimes good at letting people open up and share about themselves. I, however, keep a lot to myself sharing only what is necessary so they open up and not bury everything deep within.
I am working on this.
Friends, I am always here for you. I always have an ear open to listen and I am very willing to give guidance when you ask or just listen and be here when you need it. All I ask in return is that you do the same for me.

I really need to go to bed I have to go to work tomorrow 🙂

Good night, Good morning or Good afternoon! 

Smile every day no matter what comes your way!

KJ 6th grade

God Bless you all, we will talk real soon 🙂

Disclosure: the nicknames used are by affiliation. Russia and US because it was like a war between the two at the time. Switzerland because we were stuck in the middle (although I did tend to favor one side… oops!). Venezuela was part of the lie. Dr. Horse because of the love of horses and the fact the person is going to be a doctor (in other words finding a country that fit them was hard so I gave a different type of nickname 🙂 ).